I often am asked whether or not I would consider getting married again.  For a long time, my response was something like,  “I’d love to.  But to be honest, I think I’m going to do a George Clooney it and be a bachelor forever.”  But Clooney got married, so I replaced him with someone else who’s made a career of being a single guy — Derek Jeter. Then he got engaged to model Hannah Davis, something more unlikely than the Yankees captain being honored by the Boston Red Sox, archrivals beat the Yankees in the 2004 World Series, when he played his final game in Fenway Park and retired his jersey.

My heroes are failing me…

Actually, it’s quite endearing.  Men who once had committed themselves to not being committed seemed to have found someone who complements them so well that they want to finally settle down.  For the most part, that’s what everyone wants.  It’s what I want.

Been there, done that

However, I think about the many conversations I’ve had with my single friends who are tired of dating and think happiness is finding someone they’ll fall in love with forever. But having the traveled the road from great first date to saying “till death do us part,” I find myself putting them on game on how this life partner deal really works — the overwhelming odds are that they are going to get on your every last nerve.

They will try your patience in ways that will surely make you do things you swore you would never do andpromised them you wouldn’t do back when you were dating.  You will consider — and probably carry out —acts that your partner once said were deal-breakers because you know they actually won’t be. You will dread knowing everything they are going to say before they open their mouth. But they are still your best friend and you love them more than anyone else on the planet.

“But I don’t want to compromise!”

I can’t lie, I actually miss that.  However, just thinking about all that comes along with it makes me more than a little wary to want to settle down again.

Perhaps my biggest phobia about commitment is the idea of co-parenting.  I have been a single father for almost five years and I know almost nothing about sharing parenting responsibilities.  Even while Cydney’s mother was alive, I stayed up all night, cleaned the bottles, and did most of the work. She passed away when my little girl was only nine months old.  For better or worse, all I know is being a single parent.  There is a good chance that part of my wanting to play the field for the rest of my life and have relationships that don’t last forever is because I am not used to accomodating someone else’s parenting ideologies and compromising on things like what school my child goes to and a million other things.  It has never been a part of my or my daughter’s lifestyle.

The pressure’s on

But Cydney wants me to have a serious girlfriend and get married. She wants a stepmother and siblings.  In fact, she says I need to do all of this by next week.  As stressful and draining as it can be sometimes, I love being my daughter’s everything.  Maybe this is the one part of my life where I want to and feel like I am justified for being a little selfish.  But I guess if George Clooney and Derek Jeter can find people worth committing to forever then maybe I can do the same.

In the meantime,  I still have Jamie Foxx.

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Photo by  Jonas Kakaroto on Unsplash


Chad Milner founded the blog Singledadventures.com, and is a contributing writer for Singlewith and Mommy Noire. He's also a project-management and website consultant, with a psychology/business management degree from Morehouse College. Chad lives in New York City with his daughter Cydney.

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